One of my greatest fears walking into training camp was community. If you haven't known me well the last few years, here's a bit of a rundown in a few short words… community has been hard for me. And in this last season, it was my own heart that made trusting those around me difficult. When we trust others with our vulnerability, love, and desire to know them well, we are placing ourselves in the very vulnerable spot of being rejected. What we once had control over as an individual we can no longer control when this happens; I can’t choose how others react to me. 

This week at training camp one of our speakers shared that our brain is checking the reactions of those around us 7 times a second to see if we are liked and wanted. How exhausting! There are two very hopeful things I want to share with you though;

1: Our relationship with the Lord will not result in rejection. He will never let us down. In a conversation I had this week a mentor shared about the friend that Jesus reflects to the disciples. Even when they betray Him, don't trust him time and time again, make him angry, and lack reciprocity, He stays with them. He forgives their (mind you very human) flaws and mistakes. There is nothing we can do to make the Lord leave us. 

I don't think my head and my heart agreed on this truth until this week, and I pray that if any of you are in this boat your head and heart can have the same connection I have been blessed with these last few days. You see, I knew the Lord wouldn't leave me, but I didn’t quite believe it. I couldn’t be vulnerable with him because what if I lost control and messed up the relationship we had? But that's just not the truth! There is nothing we can do to “mess up” what we have with God, and he wants to sit with us in whatever we are feeling. 

I am glad to say that this week I have learned how to be more vulnerable with the Lord, and have grown in being able to trust Him with my heart, all of it. And I am glad to say that this hasn’t hurt my relationship with Him, it has brought me to a deeper and more meaningful understanding of who He is and just how deep His love for me goes. 

2: When our foundation is on Christ, we can step into community and vulnerability unafraid of the rejection we risk. We are called to community and life alongside each other, and while we must rely on God we are designed to lean on each other. God Made Eve because Adam needed community, and Eve needed Adam just as much. Through community we can learn and grow in new ways. We can find blind spots within our own lives that we wouldn't have known about if it wasn't for those around us helping us discover them. We are not meant to do life alone. 

But no, knowing God does not mean that we will never receive rejection again. What it does mean though is that when we do we haven't lost everything. We are no longer stacking our lives on the proverbial jenga tower. Instead, when we do face rejection we can turn to God, the most amazing best friend. And we can receive truth and comfort. We become more resilient to the realities of community on this earth when we follow and trust in Him. 

This week has been such a week of growth in learning to trust the Lord and be vulnerable in community, and I am so thankful I have been risking rejection. Over this week I have built one amazing family of brothers and sisters and friends who I get to do life alongside over this next year. While I have only known them for a week I have such a deep love for my squad and each person in it. I am so grateful for the ways they have challenged me to look more like the Lord and follow him closely. I am so grateful for this sweet group of people and the ways they all uniquely embody Christ. 

With all this said, I don’t want to negate the sweet communities that I have been blessed to be a part of, nor the amazing friends I have made over the past years. I am deeply thankful for each of you and the ways that you have loved me well. I ask for forgiveness for the times I have not been vulnerable in community. Thank you to those who have listened and loved me well when I have stepped into community. I am so excited to grow in this even more over the next year and hope to share this change of heart posture with each of you upon returning. I love you all!

Please be praying for each member of my team as we step out into our first country; Kenya! We leave tomorrow (Sep 7th), and are so excited. There are five teams going out all over the country to serve the Lord. As such please be praying that each of these teams would work together to serve the Lord. I would love prayer against any disunity in our teams, and for growth in moments of discord. Please pray that each member of our teams would be brave in stepping into vulnerability and community with one another. 

Please also be praying for the organizations and people we will meet for the next 40 days. The Lord is already there working. Pray that each of their hearts would be comforted, celebrated, and so evidently known and loved by the Lord in a way that is crystal clear to them and those around them.

Lastly; some of our squad (including me) has been dealing with some physical illness this week. Please be praying for healing and energy as we step into our time in Kenya.