I’m almost 20 days away from leaving on a year-long mission trip around the world; and I actually couldn’t tell you an inkling about how I feel...

I am so excited; for a year of growth and life outside my comfort zone. For time spent off screens and intentionally in relationships. To grow in my capacity to listen to others. And to travel and see the greater church celebrated across the world.

At the same time, I feel quite like Moses; I. am. so. Unprepared. I’ve spent the last year anxious in worship settings. I tune out of overly emotional conversations. I avoid vulnerability. I am unsure in my words. I overthink empathy and justice and kindness and the Lord's character at times. And yet, I feel deeply called to the race. I desire to know more of the Lord and grow in my capacity to do life alongside Him. I am not anxious, just unprepared.

For a bit of background, 

I heard about the world race my freshman year and felt called to it from the moment my friend who had gone shared about it. A lot of this was tied to a desire to go into ministry in some capacity. Subsequently; I spent the second half of my freshman year switching from a nursing degree to a psychology degree. I chose psychology because I was passionate about “heart” work, and decided that if I was going to work in ministry I wanted to be well versed in psychology as well. For a while, I thought about being a youth pastor, or something of the likes. While I am not sure exactly what I want to do post-trip now, I still feel super passionate about nonprofit and emotional/mental health work. 

…But back to the race; throughout the last four years this calling to go hasn't gone away, it has stayed just as clear, just as firm. Even as my last four years became a somewhat turbulent journey that would lead me to moving halfway across the country (again) to finish my last two years of college in Chattanooga, TN. 

This last fall, as I began the interview process, I had the opportunity to go out to the World Race base to commission the individuals being sent out (some of whom are currently racing). While I was there I asked the Lord to help direct my decision to go (or not). I received confirmation during that night's worship; The Lord gave me a glimpse of the future He had for me! It looked like this-

I’m opening the curtains to a window and the Lord is on the other side; He opens the window and reaches in to grab my hand. He says “I am with you; now walk, now run, now go out into my nations and declare the good news!”

The Lord is with me! And because He is with me, I am ready for that journey ahead. He has equipped me for what's to come, and will use me for good not by my own will but through Him. 

 As I sit here nearly 20 days away from the  leaving for the World Race, so excited, unprepared, expectant, and clueless, I remember how God used Moses, despite Moses voicing that he was unequipped. Therefore, I will continue to prepare for this journey by placing my faith in the goodness of God and by trusting where He is calling me, even when it feels hard to believe in the ways He can work  to change and use my weaknesses. I think nothing puts it better than the words of a father asking for Jesus’s help in the book of Mark, when he says, “I believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).

Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.